Lord Vader safe thanks to speedy Yeoman

The rebel scum began attacking Lord Vader's super star destroyer -- the Executor -- about at 11:00 hours Monday morning. Only now have I had the time to blog this on SithBook. I'm proud to say the ship has been saved thanks to the quick thinking and fleet-feet of YN2 Hammerbeck, a devilishly handsome crewman from Sector 7G.

The Executor's mission was to enter a low orbit around the fourth planet of the Patella system in order to skim the upper atmosphere and replenish various supply tanks. When we achieved orbit, the rebels ambushed us with a small strike force of 20 X-wings, 25 A-Wings, and 10 Y-wings emerged from the nebula surrounding the huge gas giant. They struck from a hiding place on the far side of the planet and within the electromagnetically charged plumes of gas that radiate outward from the planet's surface.

Lord Vader, commanding the ship on some unspecified Imperial errand, ordered that we scramble all available TIEs and charge up our main batteries to repel any capital ships they might throw at us. Surely, the command staff thought, the Rebels were not stupid enough to try and destroy a dreadnought-class ship with just a few dozen fighters? [Intelligence reported later that the Rebels used a single old Trade Federation freighter, converted for use as a fighter carrier, to get the strike force to the system and hide in the haze. Thanks for nothing, Intel!]

Within 5 minutes of the ensuing battle, the Rebels had penetrated our slow-to-mobilize fighter screen and were lobbing proton torpedoes at our main reactor control center in an effort to cripple us. Without our main reactors, our orbit around Patella would have decayed, and eventually the ship would be torn apart by the intense gravitational tidal forces. One torpedo was all it took to destroy the control module and send convulsions throughout the hull as the planet's pull began to suck us down.

[Engineering note: When will the shipbuilders put these sensitive areas underneath some serious armor? I mean, come on, have we learned nothing from the Battle of Yavin?]

Yeoman Hammerbeck was on the bride delivering some reports for Lord Vader's signature when the explosion occurred. The clever yeoman saw the damage reports as they came in and quickly surmised that a backup control module could be activated if he could get to it in time. He estimated that he would have 40 minutes to traverse the two miles of passageway to the backup module and two more miles to the tertiary engineering control room [where he'd have to hack a console and manually re-route the power couplings.] If it took any longer than 40 minutes, escape from the planet's gravity would be impossible. Lord Vader ordered "Go! And may the force be with you," and a way he went.

The minutes ticked away, and the anxiety level on the bridge grew unbearable. Arguments over culpability and failed leadership broke out in hushed whispers. Lord Vader stood like a statue as further damage and casualty reports came in. Even the welcome news of our TIEs routing the rebel strike force did not cause him to flinch, even as most of the bridge crew erupted into gleeful self-congratulation. He knew, as we commanders did, that the worst was not over. The Rebel guerrilla attack had accomplished its mission of destroying the reactor control center, and the only means of wresting victory from the Rebel scum rested in the hands of Petty Officer Second Class Hammerbeck.

After 19 minutes and 37 seconds, we detected power surging into the backup reactor control module. YN2 Hammerbeck had completed half his mission. Now he had to run two more miles in exactly 20 minutes, through twisting passage ways and damaged compartments, to complete the task at tertiary engineering. [Whoever builds these star ships needs to get a swift kick in the taint. It's like they want them to blow up.] Seals on some of the outer compartments began to crack and bleed air at about the 30 minute mark. The ship was experiencing the first stages of tidal disintegration.

I watched the surveillance monitors nervously. With less than a minute to spare, a harried YN2 Hammerbeck appeared on-screen in tertiary engineering control and ripped open a service panel. He quickly made the connections, and the ship lurched as the reactors came online and started lifting the ship out of Patella's gravity well. The bridge exploded with cheers, and an announcement went out over the ship's network congratulating Hammerbeck. Computers indicate that he made the four mile run in 39'49". In a few minutes, he reported to the bridge, breathing heavily and sweating copiously through his uniform. The other bridge crewmen praised him loudly and slapped him on the back. The discord on the bridge was harshly silenced by Lord Vader's booming basso.

"Well done, Yeoman," he said. "The force is strong with you."

"Thank you, my Lord," YN2 Hammerbeck replied with a low bow. "Now, by your leave, I have to clear a paper jam back on our main color printer in Sector 7G. It threatens to blow up the ship, too."

"What a badass," Vader whispered.

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Happy Birthday, Lewis Carroll.