2011 > 2010

These pages have been idle because I haven't had much to say about my running.  You can chalk it up to 2010 being a lousy running year for me.  I logged fewer than 500 miles, after having run more than 1000 in 2009.  Of course, one could say that I didn't run two marathons in 2010. Naturally, my training miles should have been fewer.  But to go from 1000+ to 500- isn't a mere relaxation of training discipline to reflect a lighter schedule.  It indicated a serious derailment.  How did I get so far off track?

1. Post-Chicago depression.  After completing the 2009 Chicago Marathon, I fell into a depression that initially centered on my running but later spread into other areas.  I felt like I trained hard for Chicago, even doing disciplined [for me] speedwork, yet I only shaved 20 minutes off my time from my first and only other marathon.  Discouraged, I ran less in 2010.  And, like a negative feedback loop, the mood-lifting effects of running went away, and I spiraled into a full-on funk.  I'm doing better now, but this cast a gray pallor on much of 2010.
2. Baby on the way.  My wife and I wanted to have another baby, and *poof*, just like that, a bun was in the oven.  Yes, we are fertile people. But my wife has terrible pregnancies. She suffers every sort of discomfort imaginable. This time around she even got gestational diabetes.  Therefore, in order to better take care of her and my daughter and the household, I cleared my calendar.  No races. No two-hour long runs on the weekend. No running groups. I wiped the slate clean. But without races or any of the other stuff to motivate me, I found excuse after excuse to skip runs. Weeks would pass without a single mile run. Let me be clear: I am not blaming my wife or the baby. This was all me letting my laziness and excuses win.
3. Am I or am I not a runner? Related to, but slightly different from, the previous two issues, I think I also had a runner's identity crisis in 2010. After Chicago 2009, I swore off marathons altogether. Never again, I said. But as the weeks and months of 2010 wore on, and without a major race on my calendar, I began to question the point of it all.  If I am not training for anything, why bother running at all? I had not yet adopted running as a lifestyle or as simply something I did naturally, like breathing or eating. I ran to accumulate miles or train for races or have something to blog about. This was a false belief. The correct belief is that I run because I have to. I want to. I enjoy it. It's self-medication. It's my alone-time. It's my meditation. It's what keeps me healthy. It's what I do. In 2011, though I will resume racing and the rest, I will strive to correct this way of thinking and be less distracted by extrinsic motivators. 

Many of the running bloggers I follow are doing their 2010 recaps and 2011 projections, and so now you have mine. 2010 was a disappointment but full of lessons. 2011 will be better. All I have to do is run.