Race report: Cherokee Park 5 Miler trail race

"Your suffering will be legendary, even in hell!" -- Pinhead

ORN: 5 miles in 1:03:36.

This was a small, first-ever trail race put on by the Cherokee Road Runners [I think]. The Louisville Trail Store sponsored it. I woke up earlier than I should've, but since I didn't know what to expect, I took no chances. I dressed and hit the road.

When I arrived, they were getting ready to start a two-mile kids race, so I watched that. That was fun. The kid who won it ran the thing in 12:55, which is just obscene. But he has 10-year-old legs and probably never smoked. They were amazing kids, all 15 or so of them.

Then, the grown-ups -- around 50 of us -- got ready for our race. These people -- not including myself -- all looked pretty trim. Not a lot of overweight people or moms with strollers in this bunch. Most everyone looked like they ran a lot. One guy was training for an honest to God Ironman. We got some instructions by the Trail Store owner and got the ready-set-go.

This was the hardest run I have ever attempted. I have never trained on trails, and I stupidly thought that trail running was not much different from road running. I could not have been more wrong. It's as different as giraffes and differential equations.

The first mile was hard, and things got worse from there. I knew I was in trouble when I was winded and sweating profusely before I'd gone a half mile. The trail was fairly well marked, but the word "hilly" does not even begin to describe the terrain. It was constantly up and down, up and down, but not the up and down of a road. No, these were small hillocks and steep precipices one right after the other. And twists and turns. Thank Thor for the New Balances with their added stability. Without it, I am sure my ankles would have detached, and I would have had to have finished the race on stumps. I was constantly afraid of wrenching my knee or turning my ankle.

But the whole thing sucked. My chest was heaving, and my legs felt like they were made of lead. The air in the woods were thick with humidity, and the temperature was up over 80 degrees. Pounding up and down hills, scrambling over rocks, constantly worrying about missing a turn, fearing getting lost, sweating gushers -- I was challenged like I've never been challenged in a run. Seriously, the Derby mini wasn't this bad.

But would I do it again? Heck yes. It was a monster workout. I won't try it again, though, without working some trails into my training beforehand.

Even though I came in dead last -- no kidding -- I got a door prize, a t-shirt. In addition to the running hat, which worked great on the trail, this was a pretty decent race as far as swag goes.