What motivates me

ORN: 3.92 miles in 40:03. I felt fantastic today -- strong and fast. I actually ran a negative split! I credit my Saturday long runs in hilly Cherokee Park with my rave run today. And today was pretty cold, 21°, and breezy. I was a tad uncomfortable until I warmed up. The river was calm. The barges were standing still for some reason, churning the water, and I saw a log float by that I originally thought was a pair of otters.

The superheroes at the Runners' Lounge have issued their weekly challenge, and it is motivation. It's sad to say but I usually believe I am quite unmotivated, and yet I'm going barely miss my monthly goal of 64 miles in a chilly, wet January. One does not do that without some sort of carrot or stick action motivating one's ass.

What motivates me? External things mainly. Fear. Chains. Restrictions I have put upon myself. For example, I like to write; therefore, I have this running blog, right? But I would not have the right to do a running blog unless I run. Otherwise I might as well write something else that I know nothing about, yet is more interesting, like a porn star blog or rock-star-nuclear-physicist-adventurer blog. So having something to write, or rather fear of not having anything to write about, keeps me motivated.

My races, dangling out there menacingly like IRS audits administered by Sauron, keep me running. I know if I do not do the base-work, my racing experience will suck. I'm not talking about my speed or performance; I mean nothing more than how I feel during and after the race. I felt like a steamroller ran over me after my last half-marathon, and that was entirely because I was spotty with my training in the final weeks. So if I want my race experience to be less unpleasant, I have to do the homework.

Of course, what ought to be first on my list of motivators is my health. I've lived in this skin for 36 years. I know that if I do not run, I will do nothing physical apart from do laps from the refrigerator to the couch. It should say something that my personal guru is Onslow. But if I stick with that lifestyle and do not run, my weight will go back up [because Nyarlathotep knows I cannot be bothered to eat healthily] as will my cholesterol count. And then who knows what will happen? My biological father died at 33 after a lifetime of cardiovascular problems. I have a deep history of health issues on both sides of my family, and thus, if I don't take charge of it now, I won't do it when I am 50. Assuming I make it that long. I want to live long enough to be a burden and embarrassment to my daughter. :-)

Others will say that great and noble things -- or people -- motivate them to run, and that's peachy for them. But for me, it is usually the avoidance of unpleasantness that keeps me going. About most noble things I have motivating me are the commitments I make to myself, like the races and the annual goals to run 1000 km. But even those are designed to avoid feeling like a loser who cannot keep a commitment. Hardly "Chicken Soup for the Soul" material, but that's the way it is with me.

Another thing that helps is my music. Right now, I am loving my Philips noise-canceling ear buds. These are not quite the same model -- mine aren't so fancy -- but they are close. They are better in nearly every way than my iPod's default buds, but I especially dig the bass. I walked to the bookstore Monday, and I marveled at the bass line in the Sex Pistols' "Sub Mission." I mean it: I rocked totally out.